Bathroom Talk

(Sera's using the bathroom. Her 18-month old sister is in there with her. I'm in the kitchen. I didn't hear how the conversation started, but it ended with this:)

Sera: "That's not a bum! It's a vagina, silly!"

Splashing and Yelling

(During her bath this morning, Sera was succeeding in emptying the the tub onto the bathroom floor with her energetic splashing and kicking. I yelled at her to stop only when the previous two normal-voice requests were ignored. Sera brought up the incident during an afternoon snack few hours later.)

Sera: "Dad, you need to stop yelling at me."
Me: "You mean like I did during your bath this morning?"
Sera:  "Yeah."
Me: "I'll make a deal with you. I promise to stop yelling, if you promise to listen to me when I ask you to do something."
Sera: "OK.... But Dad? I couldn't hear you asking over all that noise from splashing!"

(Perry Mason moment: If you couldn't hear me, how did you know that I was asking you to stop? Ha! The prosecution rests!)

Though inspired, Sera's defense is similar to somebody explaining to a cop, "But officer, how do expect me to see a speed limit sign when I'm going that fast?

I Love You Mommy

Sera: "Mom?"
Rachel: "Yes, dear?"
Sera: "I love you."
Rachel: "Aww. That's nice. Thank-you, sweetie. You should tell that to Daddy, too."
Sera: "Daddy?"
Me (anticipating a lovely father/daughter moment): "Yes, dear?"
Sera: "I love mommy."
[... sound of my ego deflating slightly...]

No farmers, please

(at the beach I sometimes wear a floppy straw hat that came free with a case of beer. Sera doesn't like it.)
Me: "You don't like my hat, do you?"
Sera: "No. You look like a farmer."
Me: "What's wrong with looking like a farmer?"
Sera: "Are you a farmer?"
Me: "No."
Sera: "I don't want you to be a farmer."
Me: "Why not?"
Sera: "I don't want to talk about that right now."

Sneaky Bagpipes

(walking back to the cottage from the beach, I could hear somebody playing the bagpipes in the distance)
Me: "Sera. Do you hear that?"
Sera: "What?"
Me: "Bagpipes! Man, I love the bagpipes."
Sera: "Me too. They're so sneaky."

Capital C

(Sera's sitting on the toilet.)
Me: "Are you done going pee?"
Sera: "I just had to go poo, too."
(after the requisite bowl check)
Me: "Wow, that's a big one."
Sera: "Let me see . . . It looks like a capital C."

Too Tired

Sera: "I'm too tired to go to bed."

The Perfect Segue

(Sera was watching me bathe Ceilidh this morning and pointed to the plastic strainer covering the bath drain.)
Sera: "Why do you use that thing?"
Me: "It keeps Ceilidh's fur from clogging the drain."
Sera: "Clog? I clogged the toilet once because I had a big, big, BIG poop."

Darth Vader's Light Saber

(Sera's cousin, Aleksander, was over at the cottage, proudly wielding his toy blue light saber)
Me: "Wow, Aleksander, that's a pretty cool light saber. Is that the same as Luke Skywalker's?"
Aleksander: "No, not Luke's. This is Darth Vader's."
Sera: "No! Darth Vader's is red!"
(My daughter is SO cool!!)

Zero

(Sera's learning some basic math - I'm able to ask what 3 + 2 is, she'll hold up three fingers on one hand, two fingers on the other and come up with five as the answer. Today, I was seeing if she understood the concept of zero.)
Me: "Sera, if you start out with zero fingers (I held up a fist), and add two fingers (I held up two fingers on my other hand), how many fingers do you have?"
Sera: "Two!"
Me: "That's right! If I start out with zero apples in my basket and add five, how many do I have?"
Sera: "Five!"
Me: "Good! If I start out with zero dogs in the room, and bring in twelve dogs, how many dogs do I have?"
Sera: "Lots!"

Vehicular Manslaughter

(We're at the neighbourhood park. One of Sera's friends from pre-school is driving around in his little electric jeep. Sera wants to go over to see him)
Mom: "Sera, you can go over to see Tate, but I don't want you driving his car, OK?"
Sera: "Why?"
Mom: "Because you ran over him last time."

Mr. Bunny goes to Ottawa

(After the Easter morning egg hunt in the backyard)
Sera: "Dad, Santa Claus lives in the North Pole."
Me: "And where do you think the Easter Bunny lives?"
Sera: "umm.... Ottawa?"

Cursing

(After I cursed without realizing that Sera was within hearing distance...)
Sera: "Dad? What does Jesus H. Christ mean?"

Sera teaches me about frogs

Sera: "Dad? Do you know why frogs' feet are sticky?"
Me: "Why is that?"
Sera: "So that they can climb in trees. Also when frogs are babies, they don't look like frogs. They look more like fish."
Me: "Wow. That's right. Where did you learn all about frogs?"
Sera: "From Cat In The Hat."
Me: "Well, that's good, I guess. But don't you think that your dad should be teaching you about this kind of stuff?"
Sera: "No, Dad. I need to teach you."

Pancakes

(First thing Saturday morning, Sera comes down to the kitchen. Saturdays are usually pancake days, and Sera LOVES pancakes.)
Sera: "What day is it today, Daddy?"
Me: "It's Saturday, today."
Sera: "....... Pancakes!!"

Mommy's Portrait

(Sera has an etch-a-sketch type tablet on which she's started doing some doodles. In particular, she's started drawing faces and doing a pretty good job at it too. I came home from work yesterday and saw that she had another great portrait to show me)
Me: "Wow, Sera! What a great drawing."
Sera: "It's a picture of Mommy."
Me: "Very nice. What is this right here, it looks like an 'H' in between her two legs?"
Sera: "That's Mommy's hoo-hoo."
(Bwa-ha-ha!)

Girl Talk

(Sera has started asking questions about where babies come from and the mechanics of being a girl)
Mom: "Well, mommies bleed once a month so that they can have babies."
Sera: "Where do the babies come out of?"
Mom: "They come out of mommies' vaginas."
Sera: "But they'd get stuck 'cause it's too small."
Mom: "Well, when you're having a baby it gets bigger."
Sera: "Weird!"

People Food

(At the dinner table, 5-month old Jillian is sitting on my lap and leaning over towards my plate as if she wants to taste the food.)
Sera: "Hey! Jillian's not allowed to eat people food!"

Italy

(Sera's learning her letters. Everyday she'll pick a word for Mom to write on the chalkboard, then will try to copy the letters underneath herself. When I get home from work, Sera likes to show me the word she wrote)
Me: "Whoa that's a big word, Sera. Can you tell me what letters are in that word?"
(she points to each letter in succession)
Sera: "S...C...I...S...S...O...R...S"
Me: "And what word does that spell?"
Sera: "Italy!"

Booger Cooker

Sera: "Dad, when you come home from work today can you get me my pink bucket that's under the... it's under the... it's under.....umm............ it's.... under.... the.... it's under the booger cooker."
[WTF?!!]
Me: "Booger cooker?... Do mean burger cooker? the BBQ?!"